Hating Cain Read online

  I groaned, putting down the pen from my list of guests. This was already more complicated than I wanted it to be.

  Despite my hesitations, I finally concluded that it would be worse not to invite those who had been kind to me. I called up Kaitlyn and Cherry on the phone. Cherry turned me down, apologizing profusely that she had other plans and sounding genuine about it, but Kaitlyn jumped at the chance to come over. She wanted to bring Rowan and his boyfriend, but they were apparently out of town on a date. Kaitlyn’s enthusiasm was endearing. I found myself liking her more and more, like a sort of community mother figure. A better mother than mine had been.

  But my hand hovered over the phone when it came down to decide what to do about Cain.

  He was my friend, and we’d just had sex the other night. I had to invite him.

  Right?

  I bit my lip. Something was holding me back, but I didn’t know what. My brain grew muddled and fuzzy whenever I thought about Cain, like he was messing with my wires. And my chest.

  “Damnit,” I mumbled, feeling my heart flip as his face popped up in my mind.

  I shook it off. The most important thing was focusing on my goal–getting rid of this house, grabbing the money, and moving back to my old life in the city. Everything else was just a side issue.

  But I ended up on Cain’s doorstep anyway.

  He raised a thin brow. It disappeared beneath a messy lock of blond hair. I hated thinking about how cute he looked that way.

  “What?” Cain asked.

  “Hey,” I said, trying to ignore the glare he was shooting me. “So, um, I’m throwing a party this Saturday.”

  His other brow rose to match the first.

  “And I wanted you to be there,” I finished.

  Cain’s expression shifted from mild annoyance to pleasant surprise, like I’d successfully completed some secret task he was expecting me to fulfil.

  “I’d love to,” he said.

  Roxy interrupted with a shrill bark because I’d been standing at the door for a full minute and hadn’t paid her any attention. I leaned down to placate her with a scratch behind the ears as she wiggled and licked my hand.

  “So, we’re not gonna talk about it?” Cain asked.

  I knew he meant the sex. “I don’t know. Do you want to?”

  He met my gaze evenly. “Are you going to act like that again next time?”

  My heart thumped hard at the mention of next time. I swallowed thickly. “Act like what?”

  “Like I was some throwaway lay?” He sounded bitter. “Like you were embarrassed to be seen with me?”

  “I wasn’t embarrassed, I swear,” I said. Hearing his own point of view made me feel like shit about acting the way I did. I put my hand on his arm reassuringly, but it didn’t dull the hurt in his eyes.

  “You didn’t even say goodbye to me when I left,” he murmured.

  I winced. “I’m sorry. Really. I guess I was distracted.”

  Cain’s eyes softened and he sighed, apparently satisfied with my apology. “It’s okay.”

  When he came towards me for a hug, I didn’t struggle. I didn’t want to. His body felt warm and comfortable against mine, and before I knew it my arms were thrown around his back to keep him close. My ribs felt tight as my heart swelled.

  But once again, that slow and dreadful panic returned, like a worm gnawing its way through my heart.

  Cain broke off the hug first and gave me a playful wink. “Well, I gotta get back to work. Those words aren’t going to write themselves.”

  “Right,” I said.

  “See you Saturday?”

  I nodded.

  Cain smiled and leaned in, gave me a brief kiss on the cheek, then scooped up Roxy and disappeared behind the door.

  I stood there, too dazed to move for a moment, then dragged my leaden feet back towards my own house.

  The rapid-fire events of the last minute sunk in. Cain hugged and kissed me like we were boyfriends, and I’d let him. He’d done that so casually, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

  And despite all my panic, I couldn’t deny that it felt natural.

  A sound halfway between a whimper and a groan escaped me as soon as I slumped inside my kitchen. The house suddenly felt suffocating again, squeezing the breath from my lungs like the air itself was toxic.

  Whatever was going on between Cain and I was getting complicated fast, and I didn’t know how much longer I could handle it.

  I needed to escape as soon as possible.

  Saturday couldn’t come quickly enough. The party was my final gambit in making the house seem sufficiently lived-in and therefore getting the office key from Ms. Walker. Once I had the key and the rest of the will, I’d be free to leave. Free to live my life without interruption from my parents forever.

  When a car door slammed shut in my driveway, I knew my friends had arrived.

  I ran out to greet everybody, and when I saw my friends’ faces, I broke out into a huge grin. My chest ached. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed everyone until now.

  “Guys!” I cried, throwing myself into a group hug.

  “Johnny, you look great!” Mat said.

  I clapped him on the back. “You too, man.”

  “It’s so good to see you,” my friend Amanda chimed in. Her blond hair had grown out since the last time I’d seen her.

  “Holy crap, this place is huge!” her girlfriend Molly added, craning her neck back. “You seriously live here?”

  “Seriously live here,” I confirmed.

  A wistful expression crossed her face. “If we had a place like this, the adoption agency would definitely give us a better chance,” she murmured to Amanda.

  “You guys are looking to adopt?” I asked, shocked by the news. I knew they’d always wanted to be parents, but I didn’t realize it was happening so soon. I cursed myself for not trying to reach out more.

  Molly nodded but she looked less than enthused. “Yeah. Our combined income isn’t the highest, though. It’s been difficult. There’s always richer families, so…”

  Amanda put an arm over her shoulder sympathetically. “We’ll figure something out, babe. Don’t worry.”

  My heart broke for my friends. It wasn’t like I was rolling in dough either, but I recognized the privilege of living in such a grand home.

  I put my hand on Molly’s other shoulder. “I’m sorry. I wish I could help.” I thought of something and lowered my voice. “Have you told Mat? I’m sure he’d lend you guys a hand.”

  Molly and Amanda both looked aghast at my suggestion.

  “No way,” Amanda insisted, shaking her head. “We’re not going to burden him like that.”

  I furrowed my brow. Mat was a kind-hearted person with plenty to spare, and he never hesitated to jump to his friends’ aid.

  “I don’t think he would mind lending you guys some money,” I said, but judging by the appalled looks on their faces, there was definitely something wrong. “What?”

  Molly bit her lip. “Oh no. He didn’t tell you?”

  My nerves were starting to fray. “Tell me what?”

  She checked over her shoulder to make sure Mat was safely out of earshot before she explained in a low voice, “Mat went through some family drama right around the time you moved back. His dad stole a lot of money from him. It caused a big fight between him and his brother, who insisted Mat press charges, but Mat said he wouldn’t do that to family.”

  My mouth hung open in disbelief.

  “He probably didn’t tell you because he didn’t want to upset you, since you’ve been through so much lately,” Amanda said, her doe eyes full of sympathy.

  I felt ashamed of myself. Had I been so caught up in my own misery that I couldn’t even be there for my friends when they needed me? Had I already drifted away so easily?

  I needed to get the hell out of Rosecreek and back to the city ASAP.

  “Hello?” Mat called in a singsong voice from the other hall. “You ladies get
lost in this big ol’ house?”

  I tried to shake off my surprise and put on a happy face for my friends. Even though we all had our own problems, tonight was for reconnecting and having fun, and I’d try my damned hardest to make it happen.

  “Come on,” I said to the girls. “I’ll show you around.”

  Thankfully, the negativity melted away as I chatted with my friends. Catching up was a bittersweet feeling. I’d missed our easy conversations and close-knit interactions. It was all experiences I’d missed from living out here in Rosecreek, where I felt like an island in a sea of cold water.

  The girls were more interested in the house itself than Mat. The two of them linked arms and strode around the halls, laughing and pretending to be the owners, while Mat gazed at the old art my parents left on the walls.

  “I guess love of art ran in the family,” he said gently as I went to his side.

  “Yeah,” I said. “And that’s just about the only thing that did.”

  He gave me a sympathetic grin. “You’re doing all right by yourself. You don’t need them or their approval anymore.”

  I nodded, but I didn’t feel like talking about my parents. I wanted to ask Mat how he felt. He had his own issues but here he was trying to console me instead. Did he feel like he couldn’t tell me about his personal life now that I lived in Rosecreek? Or was he just trying to bear the burden by himself like he always did?

  Mat’s stomach suddenly grumbled and we both laughed.

  “Come on,” I said loudly enough for the girls to hear too. “I got drinks and tons of snacks. You guys better help me eat them all.”

  As Mat, Molly and Amanda got settled around the central island in the kitchen and tore open the bags of chips, the doorbell rang. My heart leapt when I realized it must be Cain.

  “Is someone else coming?” Amanda asked curiously.

  “Uh, yeah,” I said.

  I didn’t elaborate as I ran to the door. My pulse went haywire as I thought about Cain’s kiss earlier. But it wasn’t him at the door–it was Kaitlyn. She held up a huge tray of cookies and grinned.

  “You know, I’ve been thinking, it’s about damn time Johnny threw a housewarming party,” she said, coming inside. The delicious smell of fresh cookies wafted behind her. With a laugh, she added, “So I hope you don’t mind I went a bit overboard with these. There’s about a thousand of them.”

  “Here, let me help you,” I offered. When I took the tray, it practically sagged in my hands. I peeked under the tinfoil and saw way more cookies than was necessary. “Oh my god, Kaitlyn, you didn’t need to go to all this trouble.”

  She clicked her tongue. “Don’t worry. If you can’t eat them all, just keep ‘em.”

  Once again I was blown away by her unexpected kindness. When I brought the tray into the kitchen, I introduced my friends to Kaitlyn. At first I was worried the difference in our ages would be a problem, but as soon as the topic of kids came up, Kaitlyn launched into a passionate discussion with Amanda and Molly, whose eyes lit up with stars.

  And the thousand cookies Kaitlyn made helped break the ice, too.

  Our pleasant conversation was cut off as the doorbell rang.

  “Just a sec,” I said, my heartbeat picking up again at the thought of Cain standing outside.

  My palms grew sweaty and I silently cursed myself for getting so worked up over the mere thought of Cain.

  But once again, it wasn’t Cain standing there.

  It was Nash.

  A cold veil fell over me. I didn’t know how to feel. I blinked as my brain tried to make sense of him being here.

  “Nash,” I finally said.

  The logical part of me said hey, asshole, I didn’t even invite you!

  But before I could make a coherent sentence, Nash smiled and said, “Hey. My aunt said you called her up for an invitation. She felt so bad about not being able to make it that she sent me instead, since we know each other and all.” He chuckled and tilted his head. “Hope that’s okay. You did invite me over a while back, too, so I thought I’d swing by.”

  Goddamnit, he’s right, I realized, thinking back to the night of Cherry’s party. He hadn’t seemed enthusiastic about my offer back then, but here he was, standing on my doorstep.

  “Oh, Nash!” Kaitlyn said as she poked her head out of the kitchen. “I didn’t know you were coming!”

  Shit. Now I can’t get rid of him without making a scene.

  Even though my view of him had changed after talking to Johnny about the rumor’s origins, I couldn’t refuse him. I was practically forced to let him inside.

  Maybe it won’t be so bad, I thought. If I can wrangle him aside, I can ask what the hell he was thinking ten years ago.

  “Hey, man,” I said. “Come on in.”

  He smiled like nothing bad had ever happened between us, and I felt a familiar twinge of anger–one that used to belong to Cain but was now directed at the true culprit right in front of me.

  24

  Cain

  Johnny was lucky his annoyingness was endearing.

  He’d forgotten to tell me what time his party began, so I guessed early evening and hoped for the best. Thankfully, I had a pretty decent view of his house from my second-floor balcony, so when the first unfamiliar car arrived, I thought it was safe to start heading over.

  And then Roxy threw up on the middle of my rug after eating her dinner too fast.

  “Oh, Rox,” I murmured. I spent twenty solid minutes cleaning it up, then took another shower afterwards to get rid of the gross feeling that always accompanied dealing with dog mess. By the time I was done, Roxy was happily curled up in her bed with a new bowl of food next to her and it was almost an hour later.

  “It’s fine,” I muttered to myself as I cut across my lawn to get to Johnny’s place. “He didn’t even tell me a time, so it’s his fault if I’m late.”

  As I picked my way onto his property, I paused by the garden. I was pleased to see Johnny had kept up watering the plants.

  An idea crept into my mind. With all these unfamiliar people at his party, what better way to assert my claim over Johnny than to show up with flowers?

  Okay, maybe I didn’t exactly have a claim on him, but flowers were a nice gift either way. They could either be interpreted as romantic or platonic, and it would be up to Johnny and his partygoers to infer my true intention.

  I carefully plucked a stem of phlox–his favorite– and made my way to his door.

  There were only two cars in the driveway, and I didn’t hear a big commotion inside, so I figured it was a small get-together. I exhaled and smoothed back my hair, ready to make a good first impression on Johnny’s friends.

  When he answered the door, I didn’t miss the soft sparkle in his eyes. Despite his cagey attitude sometimes, I knew he really did care.

  I smiled. “Sorry I’m late. Dog incident.”

  “Is Roxy okay?” he asked, concern flickering across his face.

  “She’s fine. Just regular dog nastiness. But thanks for asking.” I handed him the phlox. “This is for you.”

  The corner of Johnny’s lip quirked. “Did you just steal this from my garden to give to me?”

  I scoffed, putting a hand to my chest. “I bring you the gift of a flower and you accuse me of stealing it?”

  He raised a brow.

  “Okay, fine. I did steal it,” I admitted.

  Johnny snorted, then swooped in to give me a quick hug. It was more of a half-hug, the kind that straight guys do, complete with a clap on the back. It was definitely a different beast than the tender embrace I’d given him earlier and it put me on my guard again. Was he trying to keep the PDA to a minimum around his friends?

  He led me to the kitchen, where the voices and music were the loudest, but when I saw Nash standing there, I froze.

  At the same time, Nash saw me. We stared at each other, like a chained hound and a trapped rabbit, unable to attack each other or run away.

  Why in the goddamn shit-fuc
k is he here?

  There was no way Johnny invited him on purpose after everything I’d told him. He wouldn’t willingly allow the man who ruined his life into his home.

  Would he?

  My eyes had been narrowed at Nash, but I quickly put on a pleasant smile as Johnny introduced me to his friends.

  “Mat, Amanda, Molly. And you obviously know Kaitlyn and Nash.” Johnny turned to his friends. “Guys, this is my friend and neighbor.”

  I noticed the pause in which he didn’t mention my name. It was clear that everybody noticed it. I grew increasingly uncomfortable. Why was Johnny acting so weird?

  “Hi,” I said with my best smile, trying to dispel the awkwardness. “I’m Cain.”

  As soon as I said it, I saw the ripple of unease spread over Johnny’s friends. My skin suddenly felt cold. There was a clear, barely disguised dislike in Mat’s eyes.

  Great, I thought, feeling my stomach drop. Just one more person in this room that hates my guts.

  Molly and Amanda didn’t glare outright, but definitely seemed put off by my presence. The only person who actually seemed to be happy to see me–and who was oblivious to the undercurrent of discomfort–was Kaitlyn, munching on cookies.

  In the blink of an eye, the party atmosphere had turned painfully awkward. It seemed uncomfortably silent even with the low beat of the music in the background.

  Maybe I should have stayed home.

  “I’m gonna grab some more drinks from the cellar,” Johnny said, his voice sounding too loud.

  Desperate to get away from the crowd and needing a moment of privacy, I wordlessly followed him. The cool air of the cellar made my skin feel even colder, pricking it like ice.

  “Johnny, what the hell?” I hissed as soon as we descended the stairs.

  “I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I–”

  “Let me guess,” I interrupted. “You forgot to tell your friends that I wasn’t the one who ruined your life?”