Hating Cain Read online

  Twelve? I thought, trying not to let the surprise show on my face. I wonder if what they say is true about shoe size and–

  I shook my head, wondering what the hell had gotten into me lately. According to Johnny we weren’t even friends, let alone anything closer. Maybe my mind was still in the gutter this morning after seeing him half-naked. Unfortunately–or not–that was one mental image I didn’t think I’d ever be able to shake.

  Johnny accepted his fate and disappeared into the changing room while I scoured for a nice pair of shoes. I found a pair of brown leather dress shoes that I thought would look handsome on him, then waited for him outside the changing room.

  The salesman from before reappeared carrying a fresh pile of clothes. “He’s cute,” he remarked in a low voice. “You been together long?”

  For a second I was so stunned I just stared at him. “Oh no, we’re not–”

  The salesman looked slightly disappointed. “Gay?”

  My mouth hung open. “I mean, I am. I don’t know if he–” I stopped myself. “Whatever, the point is, we’re not together.”

  I was beyond flustered. My heart backflipped like a cat in a cage, and I felt the heat of embarrassment flooding my cheeks.

  The salesman murmured a quick ‘sorry’ before scurrying off, leaving me to try and get the stupid blush off my face before Johnny came out of the change room.

  But when he did, it didn’t help my blush at all.

  My breath caught in my throat. Johnny had always been a good-looking guy, but the man before me was unreal.

  The clean button-up shirt accented Johnny’s best features, like the tight muscles in his arms and his broad, powerful chest. His waist tapered down into the dark slacks that nicely shaped his figure. He’d put his belt back on, which my eyes greedily followed downward. The part of my mind still stuck in the gutter suddenly wished I had X-ray vision.

  I yanked my gaze away.

  “Johnny, you look incredible,” I said.

  His cheeks were tinged pink. “Actually?”

  “Yes? Did you even see yourself?”

  I rushed over to direct him to a full-length mirror. Seeing ourselves in the reflection made my chest tighten strangely again. Dressed like this, towering over me in his smart outfit, he looked like a confident billionaire taking me out on a date.

  “I guess I look all right,” he said, watching himself as he adjusted his cuffs.

  “Stop being fucking modest. You look hot,” I said with a laugh. “All the women at the party are gonna faint when you walk in.”

  He snorted but didn’t comment, still drawn in by his own reflection.

  “It’s a very flattering outfit,” the salesman commented.

  I tried not to feel that ugly, envious worm wriggling in my gut at the way he talked to Johnny. I reasoned with myself that he was just being friendly and complimenting him to get commission on the sale.

  “Thanks,” Johnny said. He glanced down at me. “I think we should get it. If that’s okay with you.”

  I smiled when he said we. “Of course.”

  “I’ll ring you two up,” the salesman said.

  After Johnny changed back into his regular outfit, I noticed how he walked with his shoulders back, standing taller and giving off a new air of confidence. It felt good to see him like that.

  “No more of that shit about feeling out of place here,” I told him. “All right?”

  He rolled his eyes but smiled. “Fine.”

  “Good.”

  The salesman’s eyes flickered back and forth between us, almost like he was trying to tell if my comment earlier about us not dating had been a lie, but if he was thinking it, he didn’t say anything.

  As we left the store, both of us were in higher spirits than when we first arrived–and definitely happier compared to our fight last night at Johnny’s house. Walking and chatting with him about nothing in particular felt good, like we were actually the friends he insisted we couldn’t be.

  Does he still think that way? I wondered. But I was too afraid of letting the moment slip through my fingers to bring it up. For the time being, I was content living in ignorance.

  I suddenly became aware of the sensation of being watched, like eyes were burning into my skull. With a frown, I turned to rake my eyes over the crowd.

  My upbeat mood soured when I saw Nash standing there, staring at me and Johnny.

  “I was thinking we could grab soft pretzels or something–what’s wrong?” Johnny asked when I stopped walking.

  “Nothing,” I said quickly, putting my practiced fake smile back on.

  But Johnny saw through my lie. His brow furrowed and he followed my line of sight, squinting. “Who is that with the sunglasses? Do you know him?”

  Yes. “No.”

  “Cain, what’s up? Wait… Is that Nash? From high school?”

  I wish it wasn’t. “Yeah.”

  Johnny grinned and outstretched an arm, waving to him. “Hey!”

  Jealousy rushed through my blood like lethal venom, making my body stiff with anger. I shoved my balled fists into my pockets where nobody could see them.

  But Johnny’s enthusiasm faded when Nash didn’t reply. From the corner of my eye I saw Nash turn his head in the other direction and walk away, melting into the crowd as if he hadn’t seen either of us.

  “Weird,” Johnny said. “Guess he didn’t notice me waving. Or maybe he doesn’t remember me.”

  Oh, he definitely remembers you, I thought bitterly.

  But I wasn’t going to let that asshole ruin my day. I clapped Johnny’s arm in passing as I ran towards the soft pretzel kiosk. “Whoever’s slower pays!”

  I let him win on purpose, already pulling out my wallet as he bolted into a run.

  13

  Johnny

  Now that I’d basically agreed to attend Cherry’s party with Cain, the date loomed over my head. Saturday wasn’t that far away.

  But unlike the rest of the people in Rosecreek–who apparently sat around all day doing whatever they wanted and money magically just appeared in their pockets–I actually had to work.

  I spent the morning catching up on my emails and communicating with clients. The person whose commission I was currently working on was kind enough to give me an extension when I explained my life situation. They told me to take my time, but I needed to pay Cain back for the ridiculous amount of money he’d spent on me, and to do that I needed to finish this job and take on more work.

  I set up my laptop and art tablet on the kitchen counter. Like the rest of the house, it was barren and lonely, but with the light pouring in through the sliding doors and windows, it was at least bright.

  Still, that didn’t make up for the fact that I felt like I was the only person in the whole world.

  I sighed as I worked, feeling loneliness nag at the corners of my mind like a worm that wanted to be fed. Back in my old apartment, I was happy to spend hours holed up in my cramped bedroom, working away on my jobs. In the city, it was easy for Mat and other friends to drop by and hang out for an hour or two.

  But here, out in this gated community, I had nobody like that.

  Except Cain.

  I frowned at the thought of him, though more in confusion than annoyance. I’d enjoyed our shopping trip the other day, sure, but I still didn’t consider him a friend.

  Did I?

  I stretched in my seat, trying to clear my head, then focused on my work. Or at least, I tried to focus. Sitting in the empty open-concept kitchen in dead silence was strangely disorienting.

  I put on some music through the laptop speakers and concentrated on painting. But the sound echoed in a creepy way, and it ended up being worse than before, so I shut it off.

  Why was this so hard?

  With a groan, I leapt out of my chair and paced around the kitchen. Sometimes movement helped me get back on track.

  I circled around, looping from the kitchen to the dining room, living room, front foyer, and back to the kitchen
again–and it opened my eyes.

  It’s this house, I realized.

  Ms. Walker was right. This house looked cold and staged, like nobody lived here. Everything was white, white marble and white tiles and white ceilings. Clear crystals embedded in the chandelier covered with a white layer of dust. White as a fucking ghost.

  This house was barren and empty. It had no soul.

  I shuddered and skulked back into the kitchen, where the only thing that was alive were the phlox flowers, still standing proudly and defiantly in their cheap water glass, as if they were giving the house itself the middle finger.

  Despite my feelings, moping wasn’t going to get any work done, so I sat down again to force myself to finish this job. Soon I was caught in a flow state, losing track of time as I pieced together the brush strokes and colors to perfection.

  I growled in annoyance when my phone rang, but when I saw it was Mat, I put down the tablet pen and answered, “Hey, man! What’s up?”

  “Hey, J! You sound like you’re in a better mood than the last time we talked.”

  Was I? I hadn’t really thought about it. “Yeah, guess so.”

  “Did you find out how to sell the house yet?”

  That piece of reality brought my mood down a notch. “About that…”

  I explained to Mat what the lawyer had told me about parts of the will being conditional. He was livid, sounding as pissed as Cain did when I told him the details.

  “This fucking blows, Johnny,” Mat said.

  I shrugged. “I’m numb to it now. I’m just trying to get by, day by day, I guess. At least I don’t have to pay rent.”

  Mat let out an exasperated sigh. “Still. Do you want me to ask around, maybe talk to lawyers? Maybe we can sort this out.”

  The idea of getting other people involved made me balk. I’d been on the receiving end of too much goodwill lately. “No, it’s fine. Thanks, though.”

  Mat didn’t sound convinced. “If you say so. It just kills me knowing you’re stuck there.”

  I hesitated. The words it’s not so bad curled on the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed them back, suddenly afraid to let them out–like if I voiced them, it would make them real.

  Why did I think that in the first place? I hated Rosecreek, hated it my entire life. I hated the fake people, the snooty grocery store, the locked gates and long driveways with expensive cars parked at the ends…

  “Johnny?” Mat prompted.

  “Sorry, spaced out for a sec.”

  “Oh no. Don’t tell me you’re actually acclimating,” he teased.

  “No,” I said quickly. “I’m not. I just… I dunno, man. It’s like the cloud of grief and confusion over my parents is gone, and now I’m finally starting to feel normal again. Sorry to get heavy.”

  “Nah, I’m glad to hear it,” Mat said gently, and I could practically hear the soft smile in his voice. “The last time we talked, you sounded like you were in a lot of pain.” He chuckled. “Wait, did you meet someone over there? A nice rich guy?”

  “I’m hanging up, Mat.”

  He laughed and I smirked despite his teasing.

  But as his question sunk in, my chest tightened.

  I hadn’t met anyone new, but it might have been a lie to say that I hadn’t gotten closer to someone who just happened to be a rich guy.

  The nice part was debatable.

  Then again, Cain’s done a lot of nice things for me since I moved here, I admitted.

  Suddenly I realized like a hit to the head what the hell I was thinking about. The whole train of thought was ridiculous. Mat was just joking, anyway. I had no need to think of Cain Schwartz and the concept of romance in the same sentence for any reason.

  “What about you?” I asked, flipping the tables. “Bang any hot guys lately?”

  Mat groaned. “Fine. I see this conversation is over. Now I’m gonna hang up.”

  “Good riddance. I can finally get back to work.”

  He snorted, then said, “Really, though, Johnny. Are you seriously gonna stay there? No pressure either way, just know that I can help get you out.”

  I bit my lip. I didn’t want to think about it. “I’m just gonna lay low and focus on work for a while.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” A beat passed. “Though maybe it’s a good idea to come check on you, make sure they’re not holding you captive in a basement or something.”

  “Bye, Mat.”

  He laughed again. “See you.”

  I hung up, rolling my eyes but feeling the pleasant buzz of chatting with a friend. Although Mat had been joking, maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea for him and some other friends to come over. Maybe a housewarming party would bring this soulless mansion to life.

  And maybe then Ms. Walker will give me that damn key.

  14

  Cain

  I’d never been excited for a Rosecreek party.

  For parties in high school and college? Definitely. But never for one thrown within the sanctity of Rosecreek’s gated community.

  Until now.

  I felt stupid. It wasn’t a holiday or anything, and there was no special event, only simple drinks and socializing. Just a group of ladies and me.

  And Johnny.

  The space between my ribs ached at the thought of him. It was pathetic, but since taking him shopping, my mind was plagued by him. He was like the last cough left over from a cold I couldn’t get rid of.

  As I brushed my hair, I scowled at my reflection and muttered, “Stop thinking about him.”

  It didn’t work.

  Something had changed. As soon as Johnny let his guard down, even just a little, all my vitriol towards him disappeared. Before I’d been content to cut him from my life for good, ready never to see or speak to him again after the stunts he pulled. He was mean, and rude, and callous.

  And fuck, was I glad to be going to this party with him.

  “Stupid,” I mumbled to myself.

  No matter what mild giddiness I felt about rekindling our friendship, I wasn’t going to allow myself to fall into the trap of thinking Johnny felt that way about me–or that I felt that way about him. Of course I felt some physical attraction to him. He was hot, and I was gay and single. But that didn’t mean I had to lose my mind over him like a pathetic schoolgirl.

  No, we would attend this party like adults. I’d bring my apology champagnes, we’d drink and socialize, mingle a little, then go home.

  I re-checked myself in the mirror for the thousandth time, making sure every strand of hair was in place and I didn’t have a single wrinkle in my shirt.

  I wanted to look good for myself. It didn’t have anything to do with Johnny.

  I showed up at his door fifteen minutes before the party officially started, but even on his front step I heard the bright chatter of people arriving at Cherry’s, their voices floating all the way down the street.

  The immature part of me half-hoped Johnny would be late getting ready again so I could see him in a towel. It didn’t happen this time, but he took my breath away regardless.

  He looked amazing. His dark hair and eyes were accentuated by the slimming black pants he wore, and the crisp white shirt showed off his broad chest. The thin layer of stubble on his handsome jaw made him look older in the sexiest way.

  As my gaze rolled over him, I murmured, “Wow, Johnny. You look great.”

  His cheeks tinged with pink. “Thanks, I guess? You’re the one who picked the outfit.”

  “Clothes don’t just look good on their own, you know. It’s the people who wear them.”

  He just blinked in reply, and I realized what I’d said. Eager to escape my awkward comment, I said, “Anyway, my car’s over there.”

  “We’re driving?” he asked. “But it’s so close. I thought we could walk.”

  Nobody in Rosecreek walked for transportation. Johnny’s suggestion was an endearing carryover from his life in the city. “Sure, if that’s what you want.”

  I handed him the keys, which
he quickly deposited inside so I wouldn’t have to needlessly carry them all night, then we set off.

  “Walking, huh?” I said. “It’s like a relic of the past, before cars and horses.”

  “Normal people walk,” Johnny insisted. “But obviously Rosecreek isn’t inhabited by normal people.”

  I snorted. “Right. Hey, wait, are you lumping me in with them?”

  He made a so-so gesture. “Kind of.”

  “And after all I’ve done for you.”

  I’d just been teasing, but Johnny suddenly stopped and said, “Oh, that reminds me. Here.”

  My eyes widened as he handed me a handful of fifty bills. “Johnny, what–?”

  “I finished a big job the other day, so I wanted to pay you back,” he said. “I don’t like owing people money.”

  The gesture took me off guard. I stood there, stupidly holding the cash in my open palm. “But you didn’t owe me anything.”

  “The groceries? These clothes?”

  “They were gifts.” I raised a brow. “You have those in the city, right?”

  Johnny sighed. He put his hand around the outside of my fingers and curled them so my fist closed around the money. “Just take it, okay? It’ll make me feel better.”

  My skin felt electric at the contact. I was vaguely disappointed when he pulled his hand away after such a warmly casual touch.

  I pocketed the money with a small frown as Johnny continued ahead. I hadn’t known my favors had been hanging over his head this entire time. Not only that, but had his money situation changed? Didn’t he need to pay for other things that were more important than paying me back?

  “You didn’t need to do that, you know,” I said softly as I caught up with him.

  He shrugged, looking ahead. “Now we’re even.”

  Despite myself, I snorted. “I didn’t know you were keeping score.”

  He paused and shot me a glance I couldn’t decipher, then kept walking.

  For some reason, my excitement simmered down. I didn’t know why it bothered me so much that Johnny felt like he owed me something when all my favors had been given freely.