Hating Cain Page 14

  “How do you feel?” Johnny asked.

  “Like a mess,” I said with a half-laugh. “But better now that I know Roxy is safe.”

  She curled up in my lap like a warm loaf of bread, apparently oblivious to my meltdown.

  Johnny nodded. “If I’d known you were looking for her, I would’ve contacted you sooner.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry. She was safe with me the whole time.”

  I smiled. “Thanks, but it was my fault. I got distracted.”

  Distracted because I was trying to get my mind off Johnny, I realized.

  We fell into silence with only the quiet, rhythmic sound of Roxy’s breathing and the sound of his hand gently rubbing my shirt between us. The longer it went on, the more I grew afraid Johnny would panic and tell me to leave the way he did the other night. But I didn’t want to. I wanted to stay here, with his warm hand rubbing my back, and his scent so close that I inhaled it with every breath.

  As if reading my mind, Johnny’s hand suddenly stopped moving, like his mind finally realized what his body had been doing. But he didn’t remove it.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “About the other night. It was stupid of me.”

  My heart sank. So he did regret the kiss, after all.

  “I shouldn’t have slammed the door in your face like that,” he went on. “It was childish.”

  Wait, that’s what he regrets?

  “Yeah,” I said. “It kinda was.”

  A smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “I’m starting to think maybe a lot of the things I do are childish.”

  “Such as?”

  He glanced away, staring at the wall. “I was wrong about Kaitlyn. I had a moment with her today,” he said with a small laugh. “Did you know she has a gay son?”

  I smiled. “You thought Rowan was straight when Kaitlyn said partner at the party, didn’t you?”

  Johnny glanced down. “Yeah. I told her what really happened with my parents.” A grim, mirthless smile crossed his face. “Apparently they told people I fell in with the wrong crowd or something, and that’s why I ran away. They didn’t want my disappearance to be associated with them in any way.” He raised his head, meeting my eyes. “But when I told Kaitlyn, she flipped. She said it was shitty of my parents to act that way.”

  “She literally said it was shitty?”

  Johnny snorted. “Okay, she didn’t say it, but I could tell she was thinking it.” He sighed. “Maybe it stupid of me to leave the way I did. Running away, I mean. I didn’t ask for help when it was right there in front of me. I’m sure Kaitlyn or some other family would’ve taken me in and helped me.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed, then gently added, “but you had no way of knowing that at the time. It doesn’t make you stupid. You were scared, and you were just a kid.”

  Johnny shut his eyes, like the topic was too painful. I hated seeing him like this.

  “Johnny,” I said, touching his arm. “It wasn’t your fault.”

  He exhaled slowly through his nose. “I guess.”

  I bit my lip. “There’s something else I have to tell you.”

  He lifted his broken gaze, and for a second I wondered if I should put it off, wait for a moment where the information wouldn’t come as such a slap to the face. But I was tired of hiding. As painful as it was, Johnny needed to know the whole truth. He deserved it after all the lies.

  “It’s about the rumor,” I said with a sigh.

  He tensed, some of the wariness returning to his expression. “Yeah?”

  I noticed I was still touching his arm. I didn’t let go, and he made no move to escape from my grasp.

  I inhaled a deep breath. “I wasn’t the one who started it. But I think I know who did.”

  “Who?”

  I hesitated, afraid of his reaction–not because I thought he would lash out or hurt me, but because there was enough pain in his eyes already and I didn’t want to add fuel to that fire.

  “Remember that day it all started? A few hours before you ran into me in the stairwell, I… I talked to Nash.”

  Johnny froze.

  “This is gonna sound really stupid,” I admitted, already feeling my cheeks burn with decade-late embarrassment, “but I asked him if there was any chance you were interested in boys.” I raised a hand quickly. “I know. Stupid.”

  But Johnny didn’t interrupt. He didn’t say anything.

  I went on. “Nash got angry. He shoved me and told me never to talk to him, or you, ever again.”

  Johnny’s eyes flashed as he remembered that day. “Those bruises on your arm.”

  “Yeah, that was him.” I shrugged. “But it wasn’t so bad. They healed.”

  “Is that why you wouldn’t talk to me that day?” he demanded.

  “I was scared. I thought Nash might beat the crap out of me if he found out.” I let out a breathless laugh. “And there was the whole fact that I had a crush on you and I’d basically just professed it to your best friend.”

  There was a beat of silence before Johnny asked, “You think Nash started that rumor?”

  Did Johnny believe me? Suddenly I felt defensive and afraid. I didn’t want to break our already shaky relationship over accusing his best friend of something like this.

  “I know he was your friend,” I said pleadingly. “But he’s the only one who knew how I felt about you. I didn’t tell anyone else. I was dumb, yeah, but not that dumb.”

  Johnny flinched, and I finally had the sense to withdraw my hand. I shot him an apologetic glance, but he seemed lost in thought. At his silence, I continued talking.

  “I ran into him today while I was looking for Roxy,” I said. “He told me to stop hanging out with you.”

  Johnny’s brows rose. “He did?”

  I nodded. “He said he wanted his friend back. Without me ruining it this time.”

  Letting out a deep exhale through his nose, Johnny sank into the couch seat. “When I ran into him at the party, he said something similar. He called you desperate and lonely.”

  I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “Doesn’t surprise me. He hates my guts for stealing you away from him.”

  Johnny’s next words were spoken quietly, with darkness behind them. “He threatened to hurt you. He offered to make sure you wouldn’t seek me out anymore.”

  I knew I wasn’t in any real danger, but I tensed anyway. It never felt good learning that somebody you’d known for years–somebody who lived in your own neighborhood–felt that way about you.

  “Great,” I said with a forced laugh, petting Roxy. “Well, I guess it’s a good thing I have a loyal attack dog.”

  “Cain,” Johnny said firmly. “I’m not going to let him hurt you.”

  His dark eyes smoldered and never strayed from my face. My breath caught in my throat and my heart fluttered. As he continued to stare, my body grew warm.

  I realized that until this moment, Johnny had never looked at me uninterrupted for so long.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Thanks. I mean, I…”

  I trailed off when I realized I had nothing important to say. In fact, most of my thoughts turned to mush beneath Johnny’s intense gaze.

  Does he even know he’s staring?

  As the silence deepened, I heard my own heart thumping painfully in my chest and prayed it didn’t echo through the room.

  Johnny’s gaze finally fell to the floor, as if whatever spell was on him had been broken.

  “Can I ask you something?” Johnny said.

  “Of course.”

  “Hypothetically,” he began, not meeting my eye, “if I’d blamed you for something for ten years, then found out it wasn’t true, and I wanted to apologize for it… Would you forgive me?”

  My chest grew tight as I realized what Johnny was saying. My pulse quickened and I couldn’t nod fast enough.

  “Yes. I would.”

  He glanced up at me through his dark lashes. “Even if I blamed you for ruining my life? And that I’d told everyone that you
did?”

  “Ouch,” I said, smiling slightly. “Really?”

  Johnny winced. “Yeah. Sorry.”

  I rubbed the back of my head. “I mean, it sucks to hear that, but there’s nothing I can do about it, is there?”

  Johnny ran a hand through his hair, then let it messily flop over his eyes. “When Nash told me you were the one who started the rumor, I believed him.”

  “He did?” I asked. That was news to me, but somehow, I wasn’t surprised. The guy had apparently had it out for me for the past decade. “I mean, I understand. He was your best friend. What else could you have done?”

  “You’re being too nice about this,” Johnny muttered.

  “Sorry. Here, I’ll be meaner. Wow, fuck you for believing your best friend who had no reason to lie to you. Asshole.”

  The corner of his mouth quirked, then the small laugh that bubbled up in his throat died and turned into a heavy sigh.

  “All that time I spent thinking you were careless and cruel,” he murmured. “What a waste.”

  Something about the way he said it made me pause. “How so?”

  He wouldn’t look at me. Almost like he was afraid. “It’s time I could have spent getting to know the real you. Like I have since I moved back.”

  My breath caught in my throat and something fluttered in my belly. I almost didn’t trust myself to speak.

  “And who is the real me?” I asked quietly.

  At some point, Johnny had moved closer without me noticing. Now barely five inches of space spanned between us. He was close enough to reach out and stroke Roxy’s hair while she licked his wrist. I hoped he couldn’t hear the pounding of my heartbeat.

  “Someone kind. And compassionate. Who helps without expecting anything back, even if it’s stupid of him and probably gets him taken advantage of.”

  My heart struggled to beat, thick and heavy.

  Thump. Thump.

  “A guy who’s too nice for his own good, even if he doesn’t want to come across that way,” Johnny went on.

  His hand paused, hovering over Roxy’s ears. My own hand stopped moving across her shoulders. Both our fingers trembled.

  “A guy who’s too good for me,” Johnny finished.

  I snorted even though my blood was pounding, and I knew damn well he was talking about me. “Who is this guy?”

  Johnny looked at me. Really looked at me. His dark eyes were obsidian shards piercing my soul. My cheeks burned. My skin felt charged and electric. I felt like I could vomit out my own heart because of how high it had leapt in my throat.

  But still, he hesitated. His own words–a guy who’s too good for me–held him back. He didn’t believe he was good enough.

  I was going to prove him wrong.

  This time I made the first move. I leaned in confidently and pressed our lips together.

  It wasn’t a short, brief kiss born of a random urge like the one we shared before. This kiss was lingering, powerful, electrifying. Every cell in my body screamed for more. As I parted my lips and greedily inhaled Johnny’s breath, he mirrored the action until our mouths were crushed together in a hot, heavy kiss.

  Roxy grumbled and jumped to the floor and out of the way as we recklessly threw our bodies at each other. I hit him first, pushing him down so he was pinned to the couch. I straddled his waist, never breaking the kiss apart for more than a second. My body trembled with every violent beat of my heart and I was dying for air, but the rest of me didn’t care–all I wanted was Johnny’s mouth on mine.

  And that was exactly what he gave me.

  He thrust his tongue past my lips, tasting me as I did the same to him. The kiss that had started so softly became something frantic and intense, like we would both die without this.

  Hot arousal pulsed through my blood like liquid fire. My skin burned and every part of me felt too warm. I could no longer hold back the small, pathetic whimpers that escaped my lips every time our mouths briefly parted.

  I yelped as Johnny leapt up, flipping me over onto my back. I saw stars from the sudden movement and how lightheaded I was from our kiss. My heart beat thickly, every thump of it making my body tremble.

  And that was before Johnny’s hand flew down to brush his fingers against the front of my jeans.

  I sucked in a sharp breath, my eyes going wide. For a moment we stared at each other, and I recognized the mirrored glint of arousal in his eyes. We both wanted this. Desperately.

  And this time we weren’t going to hold back.

  21

  Johnny

  Laying there beneath me with his cheeks flushed and blond strands of messy hair wisped across his forehead, Cain looked breathtaking. I never realized just how fucking badly I wanted him until now. My cock throbbed in my pants, begging to be set free, but right now he was the one I wanted to shower with attention. My own dick could wait.

  I leaned back on the seat, my fingers fumbling with undoing his jeans. Cain went tense as he watched, like he was trying not to breathe.

  I gave him a quick glance. “I’m gonna touch you.”

  He nodded frantically. His heavy, shallow breathing made it obvious he was too turned on to waste words, and his consent was crystal clear.

  Encouraged by his enthusiasm, I shoved his jeans down past his waist and sprung his cock free from his briefs. He swallowed a whimper when it hit the cool air, then gasped as I wrapped my fingers around the base.

  “Fuck,” he said.

  I caught his eyes, their soft blue hazy with lust. I’d never seen him so flustered before. How much deeper could that blush of his get?

  I gently tightened my grip, feeling his warm weight in my hand and loving the soft groan that spilled from his lips. His shoulders trembled with the effort of holding himself up.

  I reached out with my free hand and gingerly pushed him down so his back lay against the armrest. “Relax.”

  He nodded. “Trying.”

  “Let me help you with that.”

  Relaxing was the opposite of what he did when I gave his cock a quick pump. A shrill, wanton cry came out of him, then he clamped his hand over his mouth in embarrassment. I grinned.

  “Sorry,” he murmured.

  “Don’t.” I grabbed his hand and uncovered his mouth. “I want to hear all the noises you make.”

  He let out a huff but didn’t object. As I worked his cock, he kept making soft and needy sounds. They weren’t the cries of porn stars or someone acting for a camera–they were real and raw, and I knew every touch of mine was eliciting true pleasure. And fuck, if that wasn’t intoxicating.

  I became addicted to it. With every flick of my wrist and every long, languid stroke, I waited to hear his whimpers and moans, and was rewarded each time. His shoulders loosened up as he sank deeper into the armrest and the tension slowly left him until he was limp. His clouded gaze never strayed from me as I played with him, like he wanted to sear the image into his memory.

  Not that he had to. I would gladly do this over and over again just to hear his mewls.

  Soon his cock was red and throbbing, pre-cum beading at the tip and obviously desperate for more. My own dick felt the same way trapped inside my pants, and I lazily reached down to release it from my clothes so it could spring free while I dealt with Cain.

  “Fuck,” Cain moaned, the sounds barely audible. “Fuck, fuck…”

  I gave his cock a firm pump and he ground his teeth together with a hiss.

  “Shit. Fuck.”

  “Hope those are good shits and fucks,” I said.

  “Yes,” he replied quickly. “Really fuckin’ good. Your hand feels–” He was cut off as I flicked my wrist, shooting pleasure through his body and making him cry out.

  But I didn’t just want to use my hand anymore. The thrum of arousal pulsing through me wanted more, more.

  Without waiting a second longer, I leaned down and wrapped my lips around the head of his cock.

  Cain froze. His breathing grew short and ragged.

  “Oh,
god,” he murmured.

  I ran my tongue over his sensitive flesh, tasting his salt and smelling his natural musk. All of Cain flooded my senses and sent a jolt of electricity straight down into my balls. I sucked slowly and gently, taking my time becoming acquainted with him so intimately.

  Cain began to tremble beneath me. He raised his shaky hands and ran his fingers through my hair, both to soothe me and encourage me.

  “Fuck, that feels so good,” he whispered.

  The tiny crack in his voice made me feel smug. He was losing himself, becoming undone by my barest of touches. All I’d done was give him half a handjob and a few seconds of a blowjob and he already seemed at his limit. I wondered how much more he could take.

  I lowered my head slowly. His cock pushed past my lips, its heady taste making my mouth water. Cain whimpered and gripped my hair a little harder. But I knew he was still holding himself back. I wanted that control to break. I needed to push him.

  I moaned around his cock as I bobbed back and forth, sending vibrations up his shaft that made him hiss with pleasure. I pulled back and let saliva spill from my lips, making obscene wet noises as I sucked his cock. That was apparently a weak spot for him because his pupils dilated wider and his fingers dug deeper into my hair.

  So, he likes it wet and sloppy.

  The blowjob turned messy. I let go of my restraint in trying to keep things tasteful and acted like a fucking slut. I let out loud moans muffled by his cock, sucked harder, popped off his dick once in a while to let the mix of pre-cum and spit spill over the sides of his shaft. A few minutes later, Cain looked delirious, like he was seconds away from grabbing my head and forcing his cock down my throat.

  A dirty part of me wished he would.

  “I don’t know how much longer I can hold out,” Cain admitted breathlessly. “Fuck. Especially when you suck me off like that.”

  I nuzzled his cock with my cheek, the wetness feeling cool against me. When I spoke, my voice sounded hoarse. “Don’t hold out, then.”

  Cain’s eyes flashed. “Where?”